Breeze Vincinz- Musings: New Year's Eve

I have noticed, though I can’t fully explain why, that a lot of my resolutions revolve around restraint. I’m thinking it’s some offset of Christian thinking to believe that the more you repress, the happier you will be or to live the honest life you must lie. In either case, I have been making mental notes about my resolutions for this year and the vast majority of them involve limiting myself in certain areas in an effort to grow. Weight loss is the eternal resolution. I’ve also decided to give up drinking for a year. Being the hypochondriac that I am I have always questioned if I am an alcoholic or not. I don’t think I am. I don’t get belligerent when I drink. I don’t drink that much when I’m alone though when I do I enjoy it greatly. I feel as if I need to prove this to myself. I don’t think I’ll be able to go an entire year without a drink, but I want to at least limit my intake. And of course, the whole sex thing.

The past couple days leading up to New Year’s I have been feeling unbelievably energetic. I guess I’m just excited about this year. I think everything I have ever promised I would do I FINALLY have enough knowledge, resources and BALLS to do. Case in point... The bathhouse. When I got out of work Tuesday I figured I would go to the bathhouse one last valiant time and once and for all close that part of my life. Hoping on the off chance I could bump into a Romeo in blue jeans. I bumped into Dennis instead.

Dennis is this 6”2’ 300 pound white guy with a bald head and blond goatee. He’s handsome if you like that Santa Claus type. I’m impartial. When he first saw me he went straight for my tits. That’s always a plus. Gave me head for a really long time. Now... when I first walked up in there nobody was doing anything. Five minutes passed and Dennis came up to me. Five minutes later he’s giving me head. Five minutes later no less that EIGHT guys are giving each other head all around me. Then this FYNE looking skinny, older black guy comes and starts sucking on my left tit. Then this young Oriental looking dude comes to my right side and sucks my right tit. All with Dennis giving me head and this BROOD of guys around me having an orgy. This is the first time ever in which I was in this situation and felt uncomfortable. Usually I ride situations like that for all that it’s worth. But I felt as if I had started all of this and it was beginning to feel like Caligula.

I got dressed and pulled everybody off of me. Dennis stood up and kissed me. Said he wanted to do this in his own bed so he could just rub me and kiss me. Then I guess he must have heard his own voice. He kept saying, “But no pressure. Only if you want to… But we really should do this again.”

We exchanged numbers and we agreed to hook up for New Years Eve, which I felt was nothing but a plus. Before this I had absolutely NO plans for New Years and now I’ve got a potential BOYFRIEND to hang out with! I was psyched. The only part was my appearance. I went ahead and dyed my hair with that Loreal crap and it turned out more brown than anything. I’m assuming that my naps were no match for the chemicals. I shaved off my beard and mustache and now my face looks like a horse’s ass. I kept telling him I looked much better with black hair and a beard. He said that he liked me just the way I was. New Year’s eve came and I decided I would call him around 7:00pm. We agreed to hook up at 9:30pm in front of my building. I lost track of time and didn’t get down there until 9:40pm. He wasn’t there and I was kind of relieved. My plan before meeting him was to go to the BAR and enter the year there. I KNEW that I could come across SOMEBODY to share New Year’s with up there. And nothing sexual, but somebody to laugh with and just hang with. Then I started to think about Dennis and his fat ass body and I realized how ENJOYABLE it would be to go there by myself. But then the fucker showed up.

I think he wanted to go straight up to my apartment. But that wasn’t going to happen. I was hoping that I could somehow convince him to not have sex AT ALL. That was the plan.

We went to the Bar. Let me also say that it is officially COLD outside now. Lately it’s been the thought of winter in the air but the past couple of days has been bone chilling cold. And the motherfucker is wearing SHORTS!! No lie!! I swear to God! It’s like -3*F with the wind chill and he is wearing SHORTS!! All I kept thinking was, “White folks!!”

I got him an Amertto Stone Sour and I asked the bartender what he had that was hot outside of coffee. He said that was it, just coffee, but he could put anything in it that I wanted. So I got a coffee and Kaluha with cream to warm me up. Went to the jukebox and played 7 upbeat dance songs. I felt so young. Maybe it’s because everybody in that joint was over 40 or looking for someone over 40. I think it had a lot to do with BENT telling me the other day that I am the most optimistic person he has ever met. That I am the most optimistic person in his life. It made me laugh when he said that. Made me feel good. Been vibing off of it since. For him I played Robyn “Show Me Love” and “Do You Know (What It Takes)”, Janet Jackson “Together Again”, Salt And Pepa “Imagine”, Maxwell “Welcome” and Erykah Badu “Tyrone”.

Dennis and I talked for a long time and what I suspected was true, he’s an asshole with the libido of a gay Latino porn star on speed. He’s the typical son of a bitch that I usually wind up being fucked by, literally and figuratively. He could be a good friend though. We both LOVE cartoons, he’s been playing Magic: The Gathering or YEARS now, he knows who Tori Amos is. BUT... he has that blasé thing going on that I simply HATE in a person. He doesn’t give a shit about ANYTHING unless it affects him directly and I think that is such a selfish, narrow-minded way of thinking. Even if it’s about menial things. I remember asking him about his thoughts on the Spice Girls and he said that they could get on a rocket and be blown to Pluto and it would not affect him one way or the other. I thought that was a harsh thing to say. Even if I didn’t like the Spice Girls I think that would be harsh. But the harshness wasn’t the thing that pissed me of. It was the nonchalant WAY he brushed them off. Like he is too enthralled with his own consciousness to stop and consider the importance, or
non-importance for that matter, of the Spice Girls, or ANYTHING really. It was like he was saying, “I’m too big of a man to consider such idle thoughts.”

He’s too big of a man to tie his own shoe laces.

And the situation sort of irked me because I was playing Dharma to his Greg and NEITHER one of us was very convincing in playing the part. Their opposites attracted. Ours didn’t.

But not to say that I didn’t like him. I do think he’s a cool guy. Just not as a lover for me. And that’s cool. I had a really good time with him. For him I played Spice Girls “Wannabe” and “Say You’ll Be There”, Hanson “Where’s The Love” and “MmmBop”, K’s Choice “Not An Addict”, and Erykah Badu’s “Tyrone”.

They passed out party favors; plastic hats, tiaras, necklaces and party horns. I grabbed a tiara and horn and some necklaces. I put a necklace on Dennis and he was like, “Ugh, don’t even think about it.” He ripped the necklace off while I put on the tiara and about 5 necklaces. And right when the Spice Girls were in the second verse of Say You’ll Be There, I pulled a twenty dollar bill out of my pocket and saw the huge mountain of the past year dwindle down into a couple of seconds. It was such a spiritual moment for me. One that Dennis didn’t get. He figures you can change any day of the year. Genesis happens all the time. He doesn’t see the specialness in New Year’s. Then I started to think why I like it so much. I always see it as a cleansing thing. That even an 82 year old woman could change into a new person with the New Year. I always thought it had something to do with the way the moons are aligned and everything but then he went on and on telling me how the calendar is based on the rough guesstimates of the Roman's time tracking, blah, blah, blah. I always wind up with guys like this. Guys who not only don’t believe in Santa Claus, not only try to make YOU feel like shit for believing in Santa Claus, but will go out of their way to explain the physical and theoretical reasons as to why Santa Claus could not, would not and should not exist. Lighten up asshole, it’s a fucking HOLIDAY for Christ’s sakes!!!

“I’m giving you everything, all the joy you bring, this I swear. And this I will promise you, if you promise too, to be there. Say you will be there.”

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!!!

Then I kissed him and drank a free bottle of Korbel champagne. That’s how I entered the new year I enjoyed myself very much.

Dennis and I talked a lot more and I can see us as friends... if it weren’t for the fact that we had sex. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to stand in the same room alone and NOT have that over our heads. In my mind I’m thinking I should keep him for his connections. One of his best friends is doing an independent film while studying at Columbia. He used to live in New York city for four years. I mean, the connections this guy has are immeasurable. And I know there is no one, no one at all, never has been and never will be a lover (male or female) who hasn’t relied on… in fact they’ve relied on… tricks they can try on their partner. They’re hoping their lover will help them or keep them, support them, promote them. Don’t blame them… you’re the same. Though, I hope I am different. I COULD fuck him and leap frog over him to get what I want... his connections. It’s the thought of him putting his pudgy little dick in MY mouth that REPULSES me. I’m pretty sure I could get over that, but I just don’t WANT to.

However, we did start to kiss pretty heavily at the bar. Something that I have learned NOT to do. It feels nice when you do it; to have EVERYONE looking at you, piss off the out of town Baptists that happen to stumble into the bar looking for a pay phone to call a tow truck. But afterwards, after you dump the guy, no one will want to be a part of your kiss and tell extravaganza. And I couldn’t blame them. But I figured, hey, I’m giving up drinking anyway, I’ll never be back here... fuck it! I stuck my tongue all the way down his throat. I think I touched his tonsils. I was getting a hard on and I was starting to feel the effects of the four vodka and cranberrys that I had with the Kaluha.

So we came up to my place and I honestly thought I would be able to go through the night without having sex with him. We watched a few episodes of a show called Party Girl that was canceled years ago but I LOVED. And still do. He saw a few episodes and he loved it too. Then Lush Life came on, another cool show that was canceled with Lori Petty and Karyn Parsons. That’s when the clothes came off. The nipple ring began to flap and my Jimmy got waxed.

On a scale of 1 to 10 Dennis is about a 6 or 7. Not nearly as freaky as I like them and he isn’t that physically attractive for ME to get freaky so he can reflect me. Our sex is a TON of deep kissing, a TON of rubbing, a little tit play, and him giving me so much head that I think I went blind for a minute. It’s very passionate and sometimes it feels very desperate. The two fat nerds in the back of the class who couldn’t find prom dates to decided to fuck each other as a LAST resort for affection.

We fooled around for awhile. I can’t remember for how long but he didn’t leave until 6:00am. I wouldn’t have minded him sleeping over but I didn’t mind him LEAVING either. And when he left... he left, and that was that. And I felt REALLY GOOD. I turned on my CD player and for myself I played Tori Amos “Silent All These Years”, Bronx Style Bob’s “I’ll Be There 4 You”, Phoebe Snow’s “Harpo’s Blues”, Ice Cube’s “The Nappy Dugout” and Erykah Badu’s “Tyrone”.

I made myself some noodles and fell asleep.